i'm tired of being lied to every day and then told i'm part of the problem. i'm tired of being a pawn of those who think they're in charge. i'm tired of having to justify an opinion. and i'm tired of getting news only "put into context" - pre-chewed, so i don't have to think for myself.

our society is a loaf of bread that rose too much in the oven. the edges: burnt, hard, black. the middle: puffed up and hollow. there's only right or left, day or night, black or white. whoever stands in the middle stands in an air pocket.

one edge asks questions. was the UN's "replacement migration" report from 2000 a plan rather than a study - and are europe's governments now fighting the spirits they summoned? was 9/11 an enemy image that was needed? was russia's attack on ukraine self-defence against nato's eastward expansion? was covid a test to regulate the number of people - and why were critical voices silenced? why must people at home tighten their belts while billions in tax money flow into a country that was known as a stronghold of corruption only a few years ago? why is europe switching to a war economy - because it's the only way to hold off bankruptcy? and why does a tethered bottle cap save the climate while europe's waste burns in africa?

the other edge doesn't ask questions. it has answers. whoever doubted the measures was a "conspiracy nut". whoever criticises migration is a racist. whoever asks about the history of a war is a "putin apologist". whoever distrusts the EU is a populist. the science has spoken, the question of guilt is settled, the discussion is over.

both edges are completely certain. both think the other is stupid, naive or dangerous. and both stand up for what's "right" - in words and in deeds. that's exactly the problem. idealism isn't a blessing, it's a curse. no soldier ever woke up in the morning and decided to fight for evil today. not in world war two, not in jihad, not in ukraine and not in russia. they all fight for the "truth". so do journalists, influencers and the ordinary citizen.

in the end they're all pieces on the same board. pawns, bishops, knights - all sacrificing themselves for a king they've never seen. cui bono? who benefits? maybe the answer is simpler than either edge believes: fear and money. people who are afraid stay quiet. they follow. they tolerate.

heads of government swore an oath to serve the people. when the people become nothing more than a means to an end, that's a broken oath to me.

i have an opinion. but i no longer justify it. i'm ungovernable - not because i've given up, but because i want to live without fear. the government can have my contempt. nothing more. "love it, change it or leave it": i can't love it. i can't change it either - my vote feels symbolic. and leave? the problem is global. it isn't better anywhere, just different. so i stay. with my family, whom i love.

i'm not playing your game anymore. i only play mine - the game of my life. this far and no further.